Choosing a date

I have been wondering why the classic raisin meditation in mindfulness only makes me angry (and frustrated). Even though trying, I haven’t found a connection with mindfulness or some other meditation form. I also yearn for a story, I yearn for a way to approach mindfulness in my daily life and to create a space for it. It just seems to be a word one can't pass by these days, so there has been a need to figure out what our relationship is as well. Sadly, after drinking a green smoothie and a cup of coffee too late one evening, I got perhaps the worst idea ever, to change the dried fruit in the exercise from a raisin into a date. I was just very innocently following the old cliché that size matters. 

Dates had been on the cupboard for a while, so they were quite hard already. And I, I was nervous as usual when it comes to dates. I combed my hair and put on some lipstick, changed into a pair of smart jeans and a lace top to show the best sides of myself to my dear date, but I didn’t want to overdo it. I freed some time in my calendar, more than just a few minutes (not a friend of speed dates). I lit up a scented candle too with a perfect name in Finnish, Lempi (it means both favorite and love, and when lempi leiskuu in this cold corner of the world there is some fire in love). And then I gently took the date in my hand wondering what I am supposed to do with it. So, I just followed the meditation exercise, squeezed, brought it nearer my lips, noticed how my mouth started to salivate. I gave all my attention and presence to my dear date. And here we can leave the playful description, I am ready to draw conclusions. The exercise promised it to be the most delicious date I have ever experienced. I don't think so, not even accompanied by a cup of coffee. I rather think it was one lucky date to get so much attention from me. And my dear mindfulness, I hope you are not suggesting me that I need to be the sole source of my own pleasure? I hope you are not suggesting that I need to find my way into balance or especially into the divine, the mysterious and the eternal all on my own? No wonder I got so angry and frustrated with you. I hope you are not also suggesting that presence is a matter of the mind, or that through mind goes the only gateway into presence? I am not going to buy that – even though you try to sell yourself to me through so many channels. 

So, f*ck mindfulness, and welcome mindlessness. 

Because the times are what they are, so many impressions coming in from everywhere, I have tried to define mindlessness for my own creative and healing purposes and to help me to stand on my holy ground. Mindlessness is about seeing ourselves in a flexible light, the definition is from a Swedish Psychologist Jenny Jägerfeld and the word from Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie. Mindlessness is a hands-on approach to spirituality, it is based on less mind and more doing, nourishing and cultivating something meaningful in the existing world, taking care of our life force. Mindlessness is based on the healing power of our hands, the healing power of a gentle touch. I believe that part of our inner wisdom is situated elsewhere in our bodies than in the brain (thinking about emotions, a gut feeling for example) and there are other gateways into presence than through our minds. To make the approach mindless enough and even more feminine, if anyone else wants to join in and needs a guru, apparently an older person to follow, may I suggest Grace and Frankie whose company and teachings we get to enjoy with the monthly fee of Netflix (and can crochet or bake etc. at the same time). Those ladies know all about how to meet adversities in life (all the respect to Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin as well). The real wisdom behind these gurus in the plural is that it is always wise to have a second opinion and we are all in this world together learning. Life and spirituality are much more fun too in the company - and laughter, and some self-irony will make everything easier. When looking through the lens of trauma, practicing mindlessness also makes a lot of sense since when healing, the key is in flexibility, resilience, and joy (and mindfulness can be problematic for many of us and make our situation worse). The whole spiritual practice of mindlessness can also be defined with one word, and that is "enough." I am enough, and I've had enough. 

When it comes to mindfulness, I have throughout the years tried to date it every now and then without succeeding. It has been one of those dates which have made me feel that I am not enough as I am. Titles in magazines in style: The key to happiness is in your mind only remind me of one of my many shortcomings as a human  – I am not especially happy nor do I know how to turn my monkey mind towards a more positive and peaceful place. It has also become clear after 40 years on this planet that happiness is rather a byproduct than a goal anyway. Since the sexy word mindfulness just keeps on popping up everywhere, saying to me that there is now something we need to solve, let us then settle our conflicted relationship here and now. I have tried to look at the YouTube videos by Mr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and Mr. Eckhart Tolle since many years back and somehow I just don't find a connection with their teachings. Our realities and point of views just must be so different. Here is one thing that puzzles me, this is a direct loan from Wikipedia, about Eckhart Tolle’s teachings: one of the key elements in Tolle's teaching is that deep within the mind is absolute stillness in which one can experience 'the joy of Being.' I understand he is talking about something I have no idea of and perhaps sees the spiritual path as something to pursue and there are different levels on the path? I only know that I find a state of immense joy through creativity and playfulness and that joy stems from deep down in the body, may I suggest somewhere around the third chakra called solar plexus. Our emotions manifest in our body, and that is what I am interested in, feeling good in my body. And to create that kind of joy we need to do something and not only to be. Sometimes the joy is even so high that I have to jump to balance it out or to drink chamomile tea for example. 

There is also one word used in the spiritual world which I personally hate, and that is the word "unconscious" people versus "conscious." There is a division, above and below, instead of a connection between people. At least for me, it is quite a turn-off, and I just want to demonstrate against it, pretend to have a headache, and spend some time in “unconsciousness” by taking a nap. :-) Actually, during my healing process, I've also learned what an emotionally conscious state sleeping really is. And isn't there also the consciousness that happens at another level than on the mind? I am talking about consciousness and awareness at the level of the heart, at the emotional level. 

What I would like to suggest, very kindly and with respect, to both Mr. Kabat-Zinn and Mr. Tolle and all the other big names in the industry – and everyone else interested in spirituality – is to get to know a few artisans, makers and artists. We obviously recommend what we know about, but in my opinion, it can be very educating to learn what their process is, the connection between a pair of human hands and our inner beings and what they together produce. In some ways, the world today seems to have forgotten that, but luckily so many of us have found our way towards knitting, crochet, sewing, cooking, woodwork etc. anyway – to our individual creativity and life force expressed through our hands. We share the learnings from our spiritual path on social media – or then not, and create some beauty and warmth, nourishment for ourselves and others at the same time in our own quiet way. Luckily so many have already understood that the spiritual path can be seen from that point of view as well, as something that is present here and now in a concrete way. And when we acknowledge that to ourselves and reflect on the ways we celebrate spirituality in our lives, what we have learned, make peace with ourselves and shortcomings, life can be quite good. The recipe is a simple one. And the makings of our hands, our materials and tools are our way to tackle the adversities in life when they come and meet us. We know we can always grab our hooks and our spatulas, we celebrate our senses and release stress and anxiety at the same go – and boost our self-confidence by learning new skills. I think that there, in the connection between our hands and our hearts, in the human touch, is something very essential for living a good life. I hope these very influential Mr. Kabat-Zinn and Mr. Tolle would add this point of view to the philosophies and practices they and their followers sell to people. I just don’t think that the leading philosophers and spiritual teachers of our time have talked about this enough, about the power our hands possess. I also hope that there comes a time when more women are lifted up and become spiritual leaders and leading thinkers of our time. I hope that instead of leading thinkers we start using the concept of "healing thinkers" as well. And that healing power is so often in our hands, in the vast number of pairs of human hands keeping this world going on – and not only minds. 

Now that I got the steam inside me after getting all angry after my date, I add here something else as well. I haven't thoroughly thought and reflected this through yet, but I think that when we loan ideas from other cultural contexts, I hope we also deeply understand the background they come from. At least my Western inner being is wrestling with the Eastern view in meditation practices (and with Eastern, I am probably mostly referring to Buddhism). Since here in the west, we are supposed to find ourselves and then stay true to ourselves opposite to the Eastern tradition where we humans are seen as rather messy beings and can't even find our true selves. Therefore, have I understood it correctly that the Eastern philosophies suggest that there is no such thing as soul inside us? I have to study this further, and I hope to find people who can explain these things to me in a simple way. And I don't want to spread around information I am not sure of. Anyway, I’ve always thought that heart and soul are the centers of our being. That is the place I try to speak from also in this text. And there is both pain and joy in that place. Perhaps because I live my life from this point of view, a meditation exercise with a raisin or a date won’t talk to me at all, to my soul – unless I manage to make the moment of mindfulness into a story, add a creative element to it and that way incorporate mindfulness in my own daily life (?) 

I also sincerely hope there to be a deep understanding of what we loan, and from what kind of a tradition whenever we do that. And that background needs to be explained to each and one of us taking a course in mindfulness or some meditation practice. Otherwise, our connection will be very superficial. It will be an occasional date every now and then when we don't really know how to find a deeper connection with meditation, a meaningful relationship at least my sensitive and introverted soul craves for. Nowadays when the world is at the distance of our fingertips, we freely loan different practices from other cultures too. There is beauty in that, and it is essential to understand and respect other cultures. It is also vital that we don't become protective but cherish these connections. The history has shown many times enough where a protective road can lead (war). Yet, in my humble opinion, whenever loaning something, we need to deeply understand the culture too, to honor the wisdom that has been gathered throughout the centuries in another part of the world. And we need to know our own cultural legacy to be able to incorporate the new wisdom in our daily lives. No wonder I am all lost with meditation practices if I am not adequately shown how I can include a new worldview into my own cultural heritage, into my little life here in a little town in Finland where I am in no hurry to get anywhere or to be anything special, neither less stressed nor better dressed. My only wish is to love and to be loved, to touch and to be touched in a more and less concrete way. That is enough. Yet, since my time on Earth too is limited, I don't want to waste my time with anything that doesn't speak to my heart and soul. 

Because I have not found a proper connection with mindfulness or some other meditation practice, I have figured out quite a few spiritual practices of my own and they all boost my life force in different ways. And may I add a few new things to that collection of everyday practices I came to think about while writing this text. For me the spiritual path is also very much present for example in singing in a choir, our individual voices supporting each other. There is the beautiful Swedish film Så som i himmelen by Kay Pollak I always recommend for everyone to see. It is a film about a choir in a little village where people find the courage to open up their voices with the help and support of the other choir members. Singing in a choir indeed is a spiritual experience, a healing experience, and it is all about togetherness (an essential part of many religions too). The spiritual path is also very much present for example in one essential part of the Finnish culture. I am referring to sauna and its purifying effect on both mind and body. Sauna is a well-known symbol of equality as well. The beautiful thing with going to the sauna is that the symbols of success in the outside world need to be taken off before entering through the door. And there in the darkness, just as in the candlelight, is space to be ourselves, reflect on life with others, or to remain silent with our own thoughts. Luckily, we can't take any of our gadgets there either. Sauna also used to be a place where babies were born, and when leaving this world, our bodies were taken to, to be washed before a funeral. A sauna is a sacred place indeed. So, perhaps, perhaps, spirituality could be something like this as well? And if we add the traditional Finnish nude run to the sauna experience, running from the sauna into snow and making a few snow angels and then running back to warmth again (only when neighbors are not watching), I am sure that few angels are singing Hallelujah in the heavens and celebrating that one woman finally got it right. 

On a more serious note, what I have found soothing in following this kind of practical spiritual path is that there is no competition, not even with ourselves to become something, or to reach a higher level of consciousness. It is enough to be curious about the lessons each, and one of our daily practices offer to us, and what they do to our well-being. I think that Confucius too thought the same way, so there is a connection here with the Eastern tradition as well. And when it comes to these acts of spirituality, daily tasks, and hobbies, it is not about doing them well, it is not about skill, it is not about finishing something. It is only about letting our everyday lives gently mold us in the right direction with time. We are enough as we are, also as spiritual beings. 

So, I don't really know how to take up this delicate matter, but I have come to the conclusion that I will break up with you, dear mindfulness, at least for now. This is a harsh world indeed, so I keep you as an option my dear date, but I think I have already found the love of my life. I will stick to mindlessness and creativity as words and practices. They make me feel enough. You see, when I make a comparison between you, mindfulness and creativity, I see many similarities. Creativity too is about paying attention, observing what is going on inside. Doing something creative is also an excellent way to learn to be patient with ourselves, to learn to make the difference between our thoughts and what we create and who we are. In every creative project, fear is always present, the fear of showing our vulnerable selves in public and the critical inner voice is something that we need to work with, in every project. So, creativity is an excellent way to practice flexibility, to not to take our selves too seriously either. Creativity and mindlessness go hand in hand, and I have grabbed them with my both hands and hold on to them as something precious and valuable. And the bonus with our creative projects is that in best cases they don't only give joy and pleasure or something to think about for ourselves – they can provide inspiration and nourishment for others as well in a more or less concrete way. And there is another benefit as well in dating creativity (of the hush, hush kind). It tends to be a somewhat moody date and not always willing, but when it is, it will give us one of the rides of our lifetime. Yes, multiple. 

I also wonder how mindfulness or meditation acknowledges that an essential part of spirituality is giving and receiving, the connection between people. I don't know how different mindfulness and meditation practices recognize this, our deep need for love and belonging, attention and acceptance, a gentle and loving touch from others? I only know that if we are left without, we just can't exist and flourish the way which is natural for each and one of us. I am also worried about the world we live in today, the high demands it puts on individuals in so many fields, also when it comes to spirituality and how independent we should manage to be in relationships as well. And I am worried that even though meditation teaches us a kinder, deeper and more accepting connection with ourselves so that we can be in a deeper relationship with others, and have better capabilities in meeting adversities, there is something self-centered in that as well. It does fit the time and society well though. I don't know, but this is how it looks like to me when I see that world from the outside. I apologize if I come across as being judgmental since I know very well how it feels when something so essential as our spirituality is somehow questioned. Therefore, I also flirted with another sensitive area, relationships, and sexuality in this text when it comes to metaphors. 

One of the things that also make me a bit hesitant to try to be more spiritual is that so many of the spiritual teachers look quite severe and tired. They have heavy schedules, of course, everyone wanting a piece of them. And the topics they discuss on a daily basis are not often the easiest ones. It is understandable if none of them have their cheeks glowing with joie de vivre, none of them look too vibrant (or should I say Vybrant following Grace and Frankie). And I am not suggesting that behind this text is a lady bursting with vitality either, even without a heavy schedule (and having a date with a date, c'mon lady). Based on my own experience I've been wondering that isn't our life force the essential part that needs to be treated, to be taken care of - both when we are doing well and when we are not doing so well. And therefore, so much power lies in our creativity in different ways, and in celebrating it in our own individual way. When I, for example, think about depression or burnout, aren't they just disruptions in life force? For some reason, we have ended up in the situation that the force has run out of us. That is at least how I have felt. With time I have found my way back up on my feet again even though the recovery has not been quick. One important part of the recovery has of course also been fresh air and exercise. The ancient Romans said it best: Mens sana in corpore sano. Perhaps it is also so that too many of us today are not in proper touch with our bodies and our creative life force, the same source where sexuality stems from as well? Today's world doesn't exactly make it easy either with all the distractions and demands. 

When talking about spirituality, one thing that needs to be figured out in this context is our individual relationship with God, the creator or whatever we believe in. I have needed a childlike belief in God (not childish) even though like many others, I don't talk about our personal relationship. I mostly go to (Lutheran) church for Christmas concerts or then to feel a moment of calm and peace and to look at all the artwork. One thing that makes it difficult to believe in God is all the suffering going on in this world and in our own lives as well, or what. Why does she/he allow all this suffering and evil to happen? It is easy to get angry at her/him too. Yet, what if we instead see God as something that exists inside each and one of us (and religion is then something else)? From that follows that we can't put the responsibility for our own actions on the shoulders of God or anyone else. The divine, the mysterious and the eternal are inside us, and it is our responsibility to try to act accordingly, we have been trusted and given a gift. And yet there are all the illnesses for example in the world and how we all encounter random difficult stories we can't avoid. Then we can turn to God or the higher power we believe in for comfort and solace as individuals, as an outside power we need, so that there is someone else helping us to carry all the pain. And when we are struggling, I hope we can turn to God within another human being for some comfort and solace as well. And in this context, I also came to think about wholeness. I have thought it to be something I should try to travel towards, away from any brokenness for such a long time. Yet what if I simply manage to think better, that we can only be whole together - and to reach both balance and the divine, the mysterious and the eternal that way. Independence as a human is then another thing. I think this will from now on be my inner truth. Following also one wise man, Archbishop Desmond Tutu: My humanity is bound up in yours for we can only be human together. We are different precisely to realize our need of one another. 

If someone develops a creative approach to mindfulness or especially a soulful approach to mindfulness, then I too get interested again. Then there is potential for a serious relationship to develop. After doing some googling I found some results when it comes to creative mindfulness, but I need to read a bit more about them. In Flow magazine mindfulness has also been talked about from a creative point of view, how it can be practiced through photography for example. I also know that many people find a meaningful relationship with mindfulness and meditation, and they help to boost creativity when needed as well. This text was just about me, me and me trying to connect the dots of my life so that they hold together in the future. I also originally wrote this post because I was looking for answers for my own healing from a trauma - and what came out was the word life force an American trauma expert Maggie Phillips, for example, has talked about. To balance out the content, I am fond of listening to this video by Mr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and this TEDtalk by Mr. Mathieu Ricard has been a longtime favorite of mine.

A few articles, point of views, I happened to find from different parts of the world: